My staff finally saw me lose my temper at the office. While I can be something of a Home Fuhrer, I'm pretty laid back at work. It takes something outrageous to get me worked up.
And then I met the association's new Net Nanny. That bitch is blocking everything even remotely interesting to read online. Blogs? Forget it. I can see some of them, but I can't post or read comments. (And the prize for the most frequently blocked is Zeepdoggie, who, now that he has changed his banner, will never get through. First, Net Nanny told me that it was blocking adult content. The next time, it said that it was tasteless or obscene. Once, it even claimed I was trying to view porn.)
My poor niece is suffering mightily thanks to Super Net Nanny 911. She e-mails me several times a day just to keep in touch and tell me about her day, sometimes to ask for advice that she will not take. (My favorite: "Aunt Margaret, I've decided not to live with my boyfriend, but not because of anything you said.") Lately, most of her messages are being blocked. The reasons:
"I'm having a crap day." (Tasteless or obscene)
"He was talking smack about my team." (Illegal drugs)
"I hope he didn't hook up with anyone this weekend." (Adult content)
In dismay, I whined to a coworker about how I hate being treated like a child and how the association should just trust us, and she turned it all around for me. I'll change her name because, since I'm not doing this at work like I'm supposed to be, I can't ask for permission to use her name. Let's call her Bob. Here is the e-mail exchange that saved my life:
Maggie: Oh, I’m trying to keep up my morale...I guess I should just start laughing at this.
Bob: I have a strong feeling that all this B******T will pass. If not, we’re F****D. In the meantime, lubricate the * key, because that bad boy is going to be used a lot! I can’t wait to go home and give my husband a *******. Then, I’ll ****************. And I’ll LIKE it! Ha! Try blocking THIS message!
Maggie: Okay, that almost made me p** my pants.
Bob: Last night, I stuck my hand down my pants to *********************************. SUCKERS! If this weren’t blocked, you would know what I did. But, you can’t tell, can you Big Brother? I bet it’s just killing you! I’m doing it again tonight.
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Me, without makeup
Like any blog, a collection of musings and non-literary venting
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Maggie
Me, without makeup
FreeKibble
Animal rescue site
About Me
- Maggie
- Metro DC, Maryland, United States
- I attend cultural events in the DC area and comment on them, but you never know when or where I will strike.
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4 comments:
Most blocked? Obscene material? Adult content? Tasteless?
Maggie, you just gave me the best X-Mas gift I never thought of asking for.
Seriously, I'm getting misty...
And if the Net Nanny blocks all that is tasteless and crude, my banner could read "We love puppies and sunshine and give poor kids lollipops" and you still wouldn't get through.
Where there is a will, however...
-Zeepdoggie
Heaven forbid you should be working while at work.
Boss, is that you?
But seriously, folks, I work hard at the office days, at home most nights, and spend many weekends working and am, in my opinion, entitled to blow off a little steam on the Internet.
I know exactly what you mean. My wife put me on Net Nanny and I hate it. I'd go out an buy another computer except last year she took away my credit card and gave me a children's card she can monitor and suspend. I feel like a child which I guess is her idea because she said when I act like one she will treat me like one. The kicker? Tonight I have to stand in the corner for an hour as punishment for some email I sent. While I stand in the corner she is going to put me onto "kidmail"
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