But we all shine on...

Jeff turned up something when searching for my engagement ring that, on first hearing, absolutely appalled me. Finding a diamond that was "cruelty free" was his number-one priority. He had filled me in on the evils of De Beers and the diamond industry in general--I'm ashamed I knew nothing about it at the time, but what the hell, I never expected a man to buy me a diamond.

So in his search for high-quality, lab-created diamonds, he turned up this: www.lifegem.com. I found this idea of making diamonds from your loved one's carbon remains to be repellent at best. But when he told Fiona about it much later, she was electrified by the idea: "I want to be a diamond!"

Now, Fiona's an old soul. If there's any such thing as reincarnation, she's lived, and therefore died, many times. It's clear from the mistakes I've made, however, that this is my first time around. And I've already lost my fair share of loved ones, so it was natural for me to be thinking from the point of view of the survivor and not the deceased. I did not want to wear Mom. It never once occurred to me what it would be like to be the diamond myself.

Then the other night Jeff and I were talking about how becoming a diamond could be problematic for those whose religions insist that the body will be taken up to heaven by Jesus on Judgment Day. And then the image struck us both at once--billions of glittering diamonds ascending to heaven in tremendous clouds and columns of twinkling lights. It made me wish for heaven when I don't believe.

I want to be a diamond.